Okay if you're flying across the Atlantic but the do it on internal flights in the UK. I'd rather have a parachute or a big bouncy bit of rubber. What are they going to do?
'Oh I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen we are about to drop out of the sky with all the grace and aerodynamics of a house brick'
And what about the trolley-dollies? I would rather they were trained pilots for the unlikely event the obese, balding, should be retired, don't care if I live or die but my smile is painted on, alcoholic in charge of the plane, has a heart attack at the helm. I don't know if I actually cheated death in the same way as the Final Destination movies but I've been close enough to make the reaper pay attention.
Here is just one example of that with an extract from A Different Class.........
The boys realised it wasn't a prank and raced off to the nearest house. Joel kept trying to stand up, unsuccessfully. Then he hit on an idea. He closed his eyes and stood up perfectly. When he opened them again he fell flat on his face. A man came and looked at Joel whose eyes were rolling about in his head."Keep him sitting up, I'll get my car" the man said and dashed off.
Joel was put in the car and driven to hospital. He remembered being put in a wheelchair outside the hospital but as the doors opened there was a blinding white flash, then it all went dark. Dying is a strange experience, almost euphoric in Joel's case. But he never had the problem of pain or trauma when he crossed that invisible threshold between worlds. It seemed the harder Joel hit his head the less it hurt. Joel just felt pleasantly dizzy when it all went black.
'Am I dead?' Joel wondered, quite untroubled by the thought.
"Quick, he's not breathing"
"Pulse?"
'I can't be dead yet I can still hear people'
It didn't occur to Joel to try and open his eyes. He was aware of a pressure on his chest but couldn't feel it. A doctor was administering cpr.
'I'm not there anymore' Joel sang to himself, silently teasing the doctor.
There was a sudden surge and Joel was up in the corner of the room looking down on himself. There was a flurry of activity around the boy on the table. The fascination was brief as Joel became aware of changes. It was like he didn't have a body.
'Am I just a brain? I can feel my face, my cheeks and my smile... perhaps I'm just a face'
The door opened and without a thought he swished down from the ceiling and through the gap just before the door swung shut. The motion was swift and fluid, a curious white shadow followed like the tail of a comet. Through one door, then another, and another. The outside door opened and Joel was out of the hospital in a flash. Joel soared up to roof-top height and down the darkened street. It was night time and the streetlamps shone brightly just a few feet below him. Glaringly so. Recognising the street, Joel wanted to see his house.
Time seemed not to exist or he moved at incredible speed, the three mile journey from the hospital took just seconds. The house was in darkness and he hovered at his bedroom window height. Suddenly unsure, Joel hesitated. Something behind him attracted his attention. It wasn't a noise or a light, it was a sensory thing, an instinct. Joel turned as if looking back over his shoulder had he a body and then he was back in the hospital.
"He's back" a doctor declared triumphantly.
'That's odd' Joel thought as he looked down on himself again, then it went black once more.
It felt no more than a blink but when Joel opened his eyes his father was sat next to the hospital bed looking relieved.
'That was one hell of a dream' Joel thought.
When Joel was told he was in a coma for three days and had actually died at one point, he began to wonder if indeed it was a dream. One thing about nearly dying is the change in attitude of a person. There is a tendency to live for the day. Death is no longer a concern, it holds no mystery anymore. Joel saw the smile on his father's face but it didn't reach his eyes, he looked unshaven and haggard. Worry lines were etched all over the man's face.
"Is my bike okay?" Joel asked and for a split second thought his father about to explode.
It was many years later after the death of his father, Joel's mother told the story. Joel's father blamed himself for the accident. He mistakenly thought Joel's angry mood over his chores may have contributed to an error of judgement. He also cursed himself for buying the bicycle in the first place. It upset Joel to learn how for years his father lived with that guilt and it was all unnecessary. Joel's mood changed the instant the door was closed and behaved no differently than he would otherwise have done. As for the bike he would have borrowed one, or been sat on the handle bars of another. Joel would have gladly told his father the truth had he known how he felt.
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